Last week a friend, who was widowed a couple of years or so ago made an observation that I have been thinking about. She observed that for her, divorce was harder than being widowed, because with divorce, the other goes on and in that sense there is no ending.
I think she is spot on though I haven't the experience of widowhood that she has. Is there ever a satisfactory resolution of the old business of a marriage that dies? I kind of doubt it. Even when the two work their way through all the hurt feelings and anger and negotiating and arrive at a settlement and then pretty much sever contact, some things linger on in the background and pop up from time to time. A memory of a good time or hearing something about him or her or seeing a flash of the other parent in your child. Or something comes to mind that you find yourself thinking she might like or that might prove to him you're right. The relationship goes on in a way, like an underground stream. Most of the time it stays below ground and rarely causes any problems but then, every once in a while there it is again -- and then it submerges again.
Nothing really earth-shatteringly important in this. I just found it interesting.