In treatment, week 9
In Treatment -- Paul, week 9
I suspect we all expect this to be where the shit hits the fan for Paul.
Paul looks at his phone and then calls Laura -- her machine answers. He hangs up and calls again and this time leaves a message, hoping she is there and not picking up. Then we see that she is there and listening. She picks up the phone.
Paul asks if she is okay. He says he would like to see her, that they should talk. Laura agrees. She tells him to come to her house.
Kate is in their bedroom. It looks like she fell asleep reading on the bed. She wakes up to discover Paul in the doorway watching her. He tells Kate he is going to see Laura. Kate says nothing.
Laura answers the door and says it is strange answering the door for him. He says she sounds sick; she says it's just a cold. Paul comments that her house is very nice. They both seem awkward. Laura asks if her place is as he imagined it. He says it smaller and he expected more color. Laura offers him a drink, he asks for water. Paul wanders about looking at things. His cell phone rings and he sees it is his daughter.
Paul asks if she has seen Andrew. She says yes, he brought by soup. Paul asks if she has been upset with him. She says not upset but frustrated because she doesn't know who they are to each other. Paul says they should decide. He says he knows what he wants and tells her he loves her. Laura doesn't believe him. He asks if it is because he hasn't left home. Paul starts to interpret her response and she tells him to stop. She asks what changed. Paul says he realized what he would lose if he didn't see her. Laura says he will get over her. Paul says he doesn't want to get over her. Paul again starts to tell her how she feels and she tells him to stop because she is not in therapy now and he can't tell her how she feels. He again starts to talk with her as a therapist. Paul asks if she is over him. She says no. She says she doesn't want just happiness in the moment any more; she wants something that will last. She doesn't want to be someone in his life just because his marriage ran out of steam. She says she does not want to talk.
Laura says , as she touches his face, that he doesn't really want this. Paul whispers that he does. Laura gets up and leaves the room. He gets up and follows to her bedroom. Laura is sitting on the bed and starts to undress.
An abrupt change and Paul is knocking on Gina's door. Gina answers and asks what is the matter. He tells her he saw Laura. He tells her had been calling her since the funeral and finally she picked up. He tells Gina that he had gone to her and that he told her that he was ready to be with her. Paul tells Gina that he couldn't do anything, that he had an anxiety attack and could not respond to Laura. He tells her he felt like he was suffocating, drowning in sweat. Then he got out as fast as he could. And that Laura told him she changed her mind, that she didn't want it any more. Paul says he couldn't touch her.
Gina says nothing is wrong with Paul. She reminds him that it had to be his decision. Paul says it came down to fearing he would be swallowed up by all of it and that he would lose control. Gina says the anxiety attack was him, was his, his best self stopping him. Gina says he steered himself away from something he knew he would regret and from hurting Laura and himself. If he hadn't want her so badly, it would have been easy. But he had the anxiety attack and he did what he needed to do.
Paul says Laura told him that she did not want to use sex anymore as she always had and that Paul was using her to bail himself out of his marriage. Gina says that what maters is that he did the right thing for himself and his patient.
Paul asks what is left for him now. Gina asks if he would like to talk about that. The episode ends.
Well, my hope about Paul turned out to be accurate but not in the way I thought. I did not expect Paul to go through with actually seeing Laura and telling her he was in love with her. It was my fantasy that he be able to recognize what that would mean and step back from the brink. But as it turns out, both of them acted in the way one would hope.
If we watch carefully, we can see in the awkwardness between Laura and Paul that they don't really know each other, that they have far less upon which to build anything than either of them wanted to believe. Her house, very modern and in neutral colors, stands in contrast to the richness and homey clutter of his own. They can't connect over art.
Paul's anxiety attack is, as Gina says, his psyche acting to protect him from his own bad impulse. It is, again as she says, his best self preventing him from doing something that would be very hurtful. And, in deciding she does not want Paul after all, Laura is actually demonstrating having gained from therapy.
But this is a terrible way to end in the right place. Paul has acted out and that is a big problem. And settling to talk more with Gina does not seem like an especially good idea. Paul still needs to see a therapist with whom he does not have such a tangled history. He needs to decide he actually wants help and be willing to surrender to the process in order to get it.
And Laura? Her father issues are still there in a big way. And though she seems to have for once made a choice not to use sex to have a relationship, what has she really learned from this failed therapy?
This weekend I'll pull together thoughts about the series as whole. Please leave any questions in the comments and we can continue to discuss the show.
In Treatment -- Jake & Amy, week 9
Jake and Amy both arrive for their session. Jake says he will miss the office -- he likes the feel of it and the clutter. Paul asks why he says they will miss it. Amy says they are getting divorced. Jake says it is because of Paul, of therapy, that therapy did them good. Amy says good if you mean a disaster.
Amy asks Paul if he has ever been through a divorce. Paul suggests maybe they could start with talking about the last week. Amy says they didn't see each other all week. Her tone is brittle and angry. Amy says she doesn't want to talk about her week, that therapy has just made her miserable.. Jake says that's not how it has been, that Paul has helped them see how they bring out the worst in each other.
Amy continues to be angry. Jake seems more at ease.
Amy says she heard Jake play when she was outside where he was but she didn't go in. Jake asks why she didn't come in. Amy says because of Paul because she couldn't remember how they used to make up. Jake says sex, that was what they did. Amy says she regrets ever having come to therapy. Jake says he thinks it is complicated, that coming to understand more feels good even as he is upset that it is falling apart.
Paul summarizes what he knows about them, how their relationship has developed. Amy says she was depressed when Lenny was born, Jake was elated. Paul says they have tried to illuminate their patterns and how they have coiled around each other. Now that the patterns have been revealed they can't enact them any longer.
Jake says he felt betrayed by Amy's depression after Lenny. He thought he was rescuing her from unhappiness and when she remained unhappy he felt he had been tricked. Amy says she is sorry he felt that way. Jake apologizes also.
Amy says she will miss their family.
Paul says he sees two people who have loved each other deeply, that they have come to he same place together. He asks that they consider not turning away. Jake asks if he is saying they shouldn't get divorced. Paul says therapy can help couples come together or feel better about separating. Amy wants Paul to tell them. Paul says he can't.
Paul asks if they are going to share custody. They each agree. Amy says she is not working. She says she was fired because she slept with the boss. She says she is relieved, that she got a severance package. Jake says he has a producer interested in a few songs. Paul says they need to talk about the details.
Amy asks if Jake has told his parents. He says he has and his parents were upset. He says they will figure it out, work out custody. Paul asks if they have talked to Lenny. They say not really but he has picked up on things. Jake and Amy are able to be joined in their concern about Lenny.
Amy looks very sad and says they are over and she cries. Jake also looks sad. He doesn't look at her as she sobs. Jake says they should get going because Lenny's piano lesson will soon be over. Jake also says he can't be there any longer. He tells Amy he can pick her up after he gets Lenny if she wants to talk with Paul more. We see a couple outside. Jake asks who it is and Paul says his next patients. They leave.
It is no surprise to me that Jake and Amy are divorcing. That is a decision that was made before they arrived. Therapy helped them learn a bit about themselves and each other so they are able to separate without inflicting further injury on each other Often this is what therapy accomplishes with couples. Jake came to feel better about therapy even though it did lead where he was afraid it would. One hopes that each of them will go on and do some individual work -- Jake because he continues to shape his life around not being like his father, and Amy to deal with her terrible guilt about her father's death. It seems difficult to imagine they can make better partner choices in the future without working through some of these individual issues.
Paul seems to keep trying to get them to decide not to decide yet. Perhaps this comes of his own hopes for his struggling marriage. If Jake and Amy can find their way through this terrible time, if they can survive her infidelity, maybe Paul and Kate can survive too. This no doubt underlies some of Paul's desire to get them to go on a bit and it may well be unconscious on his part.
In Treatment -- Sophie, week 9
Our final session with Sophie.
Paul is making a phone call. He is calling Laura and leaves a message saying he is hoping they can maybe have a coffee.
Sophie comes to Paul's office. A man calls to her and it is her father. She asks what he is doing there. He hugs her and says she is a knockout. Sophie asks him how he knew she would be there. He tells her that her mother says she was seeing her therapist. He tells her he hears she did really well at the trials and asks why she didn't call. She tells him she was tired. He says he couldn't come, couldn't just show up. And then he asks what's going on, is she angry with him? Sophie looks uncomfortable with him. He claims he gets crazy when she doesn't call him. She says she did call. That her mom always answers her cell phone. He tries to get her to skip her therapy session but she says no. He starts asking her about therapy what she talks about, does she talk about him. Then wants to know what she says about him? And is that why she is behaving strangely? Then he says he is coming in.
Paul answers the door with balloons in his hand. Zach asks if they are for him and Paul says no, they are for Sophie. Paul tells Zach that he can come in only if it is okay with Sophie. Sophie says it's okay. Paul says he thinks it would be better to schedule a joint session next week so he and Sophie can prepare. Sophie insists her father agree to next week. Sophie goes out after her father and says she will tell Paul to let him come in. Zach says he won't go back now because he is humiliated. And is Sophie really taking Paul seriously? Zach says he raised her to be smarter than this, then Sophie says you didn't raise me. Zach says he can't believe what he is hearing. Sophie goes back to the office.
Sophie tells Paul Zach is humiliated. Paul tells her he can't let him in without an appointment. Sophie asks if he would say the same thing to someone else. Paul tells her he understands how her mother feels because Sophie always defends him, even though Zach invades her private space. Sophie wants to make her father happy. Paul reminds her that she is the kid not the parent.
Zach knocks on the door. Sophie asks Paul to let him in, that she wants to talk to him. Paul complies.
Zach is hostile. Paul invites him to sit down. He turns to Sophie and says that she said he didn't raise her and wasn't there. Zach made a list -- he tells her that every morning from the time she was 6 until she was 10 he would get up with her, take her to practice and then take her to school. And he stayed up late every night to help her with her homework and got tutoring for himself in math so he could help her. He cries and said he would hold her when she couldn't sleep. Sat with her in the hospital when she got injured. Sophie moves to comfort him. Zach says it kills him when she doesn't call for 2 weeks. She says he didn't see her for almost three years and it didn't seem t bother him then. He says they spoke every day on the phone and she says that isn't the same. Sophie confronts him about abandoning her, about taking so long before he left his second wife, even though he knew all that time she wanted to live with him.
Then Sophie says for him to go, to leave, she doesn't want him in her life. That he can't just come and go in her life. Sophie says he doesn't know her. That Palu knows her but Zach doesn't. Zach turns to Paul and asks what he hears. Paul says he hears great anger and resentment but also a great desire for him to fight for her, to reclaim her. Zach tells Sophie that he never stopped loving her. Sophie asks what the difference is, he chose his second wife and that he can't undo it. Sophie tells him he can't put a family back together. Then she asks if he knew she tried to kill herself. She tells him it wasn't an accident that she had, that she rode her bike into the car because she was tired of being alive and then she tells him to leave. She insists that he go. She says, "It's MY therapy" and holds firm. Zach gets up and leaves.
Sophie sits again. She says I kicked my father out. Paul says she has discovered she can kick her parents out or let them in as she wants. Sophie thinks she won't see him again. Paul suggests that he may change from this. That Sophie has changed.
Sophie tells Paul she is going away to Denver to train. That she wants to be by herself, to take care of herself, without her mom or Paul. Paul tells her she can call him any time she wants. She takes her balloons and goes to the door, They hug and she says goodbye.
Paul's daughter opens the door. Rosie says sophie used to go to her school. Ad asks if that is her dad and says he looks cool. Rosie says Kate seems tense. She asks if they are talking about everything. Through the window we see Zach and Sophie sitting on the grass talking.
Though it is a resolution that comes faster than I would expect to see in real life, what happens this week is very satisfying, wonderful fruit of the work Pal and Sophie have done together.
Paul held the boundary for Sophie, kept her father from having his way until or unless she wanted him in and thus again proves to her that there are indeed adults she can trust. So when Zach comes back to the door, Sophie is ready to let him in and to tell him what she needs to say because she has the safety of Paul's office and Paul to support her. It is very clear throughout her interaction with her father that in his narcissism he has made everything about him. But this time Sophie isn't buying it from him, isn't willing to let him off the hook. That he was a good father for her first seven years does not excuse the last years when he has not been around nor the fact that he did not take a stand with his second wife when Sophie really needed him. In a sense Paul is the father to this new Sophie, a Sophie who can speak her truth and hold her ground even against the charms of her father. This all bodes well for her, though it is unrealistic to think that everything is okay for her now.
It is poignant when Rosie comes in, wanting to hear from Paul that their family will be all right -- as they look out on the scene of Sophie and her father finding their way into a new relationship with each other. Dare we hope that her wishes are well founded?
In Treatment -- week 9, continued
A commenter asked why I thought Alex may well have committed suicide. So I'll talk about that a bit today.
I think it is important to consider how difficult it is for Alex to acknowledge in himself anything that he thinks indicates weakness. He always has to be the best, have the best, do the best. In his world, he hasn't a readily available way to deal with his deeply conflicted feelings about having bombed the madrassah. Yet it is this conflict that underlies his reason for coming to see Paul in the first place.
We know he pushed himself so hard physically after he returned to the States that he had a coronary. His refusal to attend to his body, to pay attention to what he was doing to it, can also be seen as a way of acting out his grief, anger, guilt about what he did when he flew that fateful mission. And because he cannot express those feelings, where can they go but inside, into his body where they become symptoms?
Alex has grown up in a family where repression is a way of life, seen as a means of survival. When his father essentially tells Paul that therapy, in uncovering things better left buried, caused his son's death, he is telling a truth, at least from inside that system.
But Alex had more than the bombing eating away at him. There was his relationship with his father, conflicted at best, requiring of him, or so he believed, that he keep trying to prove himself in order to win his father's approval. And his murky relationship with his gay friends. No doubt Alex was no more certain about his sexuality than we are. And in his world, with his father, what room is there for that kind of confusion?
So Alex returns to duty where he is assigned to train new pilots, younger men who test themselves by vying with him, always eager to best him in training exercises. His sense of himself, now shaken some by therapy and the feelings and issues raised in his time with Paul, may depend even more than usual on his prowess in the air. And this time, his cockiness, his certainty that he is the best fails him. He develops vertigo and instead of trusting his instruments, he trusts himself. But he is not trustworthy and he crashes.
Is it suicide as it would be had he shot himself, a conscious and deliberate act? No. But so much was falling apart for him and the fact that we know he had already pushed himself into a heart attack, that it seems inescapable to me that Alex is a suicide, if not by commission, than by omission, by failure to act to save himself.
Paul did not cause Alex to kill himself. Nor did therapy. And his therapy did not create problems in his life; it led to the surfacing of what was already there. For whatever the reason -- the confluence of an error in judgment and an inability to face himself -- Alex died before he could really buckle down and do the work in therapy, work which could have led him to a very different place.
In Treatment -- week 9
There are just 3 episodes this week, Wednesday-Friday. So today and tomorrow, let's start looking back.
Monday is Laura's day, Laura who apparently left therapy three weeks ago. We know Paul saw her last week at Alex's funeral but we have no indication that he has seen or talked with her since then. I have said before that Laura's infatuation with Paul is anchored in fantasy and the experience of being in therapy. Having someone pay close attention to what one says and to not ask anything in return is a heady experience and indeed, given the subject matter, feels and is intimate. But it is not the intimacy that grows of two people taking time to get to know each other. As we grow close to another, a lover, we become acquainted with how he or she smells, likes and dislikes, moods, history -- all the details that get knit together in a relationship. But Laura has only a limited view of Paul and her fantasy of what she hopes and wants him to be like. In truth she does not know him at all, as a person outside of his office.
In a very real sense, the same is true of Paul about Laura. He has met with her for one hour a week for a year. Listening to her, offering interpretations and comments as appropriate. He hasn't any idea what she is like when she works or eats or sleeps or any of those ordinary life activities. And his own wife has grown less attentive, less adoring of him. So Laura's adulation and declarations of love become an issue for him. He is not defended in the way he and most therapists are in the usual run of events. It is our families, our friends, our interests and activities outside of the office that keep us anchored in our real lives and able to remain relatively clear about what is happening in the heated atmosphere of the consulting room, for indeed the atmosphere there is not that of the rest of life. It is time out of time, out of place and not the stuff that day to life is made of.
If Paul's marriage and home life were working better, or even if he had a solid therapeutic relationship with his own therapist, he likely would be better equipped to handle Laura's strong erotic transference. It is the weakening of his professional defenses and his failure to develop, either with Gina or someone else, a working therapeutic/clinical supervision relationship that renders him vulnerable so that he falls prey to his fantasies about Laura. And like Laura, these fantasies are all tied up in a pretty big father complex.
Falling prey to an erotic counter-transference has been one of the great bugaboos in psychotherapy. It is never ethical to have sexual relations with a patient and most consider it unethical to develop a romantic relationship with a patient, even after the therapy has ended. But as Gina says to Paul rules can't make the choice. Ultimately each therapist who finds himself or herself (and the research has shown that though both male and female therapists have transgressed, it is far more often a problem among male therapists) struggling with such a relationship must make the choice to remain professional, seek help if necessary, and restrain the impulse to act out.
I don't know about you, but I still believe that Paul will pull away, that the spell will break before he goes over the edge.