A while back someone told me that she had changed herself from an introvert into an extravert, by way of explaining her enthusiasm for door to door campaigning. But did she really change her basic self or did she learn to adopt what we Jungian would call an extraverted persona? C. G. Jung applied the words extravert and introvert in a different manner than they are most often used in today’s world. As they are popularly used, the term extraverted is understood to mean sociable or outgoing, while the term introverted is understood to mean shy or withdrawn. Jung, however, originally intended the words to have an entirely different meaning. He used the words to describe the preferred focus of one’s energy on either the outer or the inner world. Extraverts orient their energy to the outer world, while Introverts orient their energy to the inner world. My best guess is that the direction of her energy remains toward her inner world but she has learned how to present herself in an extraverted manner when the occasion demands it.
For example, those who know me only from my teaching or workshop presentations would swear that I am extraverted. I am at ease speaking in front of groups, animated, energetic. But what they do not realize is that is a costume of sorts that I wear for those settings, that I wear because I have a role to play. The "real" Cheryl is the introverted one. So, in order to be effective as a teacher or speaker, I did not change who I am; rather I became adept at donning the costume of a more extraverted version of myself. In part in order to do that I need to be more accepting of who I am, of my basic nature in order to take on a persona that works for me.
Therapy for many people, maybe most who seek it is about change -- changing how they feel, changing relationships, changing the direction of their lives. And many times they don't have a clear idea of what that means, just that they are unhappy as things are. I often ask patients what is the life that they want? What would it look like? How would it be different? And what stands between them and having that life? Then comes the hard work of dealing with those obstacles, often self-created. It is important to deal with the past, to work through those issues and finally come to acceptance that it is what it is. And get on to the business of playing the cards that we have been dealt. Because we can't change the circumstances of our birth, the parents we have, the childhood we lived, the forces that shaped us. We can change how we see those things but they themselves will not change. In fact it is acceptance that paves the way for change.
I have been asked if I could see a difference in my own life from having been in therapy. Someone who knew me when I was 25 and knows me now would not notice too very many things different about me except that I am heavier, my hair is grey and I am wearing glasses rather than contacts -- all external manifestations of age and the life I have lived. Someone who knew me very well then and now might notice that I am calmer, less prone to sarcasm, more contemplative, warmer, more confident. They would recognize my delight in words and willingness to express opinions, that I have a dry sense of humor. That I am a bit shy and reserved, keep a pretty tight zone of privacy around myself. But on the whole, I would likely seem more relaxed.
The changes I have experienced in my life as the result of a long and successful analysis are interior, and though they shape what others see, are most likely unknown to others. Those inner changes were hard won.
How are the changes sustained? They are sustained by my recognition that I have more and more of the life I want including that I have work I love. And these act powerfully to reward my efforts every day and so that every day that change becomes easier to sustain.