As we move into the presidential campaign, one word seems to be everywhere -- CHANGE. No candidate wants to be the one standing for the status quo. And then this week I read Stephen Diamond's blog entry on change or acceptance in therapy. Which set me to thinking about what we mean by change in either of these contexts.
Someone last night was telling me that she had changed herself from an introvert into an extravert, by way of explaining her enthusiasm for door to door campaigning. But did she really change her basic self or did she learn to adopt what we Jungian would call an extraverted persona? C. G. Jung applied the words extravert and introvert in a different manner than they are most often used in today’s world. As they are popularly used, the term extraverted is understood to mean sociable or outgoing, while the term introverted is understood to mean shy or withdrawn. Jung, however, originally intended the words to have an entirely different meaning. He used the words to describe the preferred focus of one’s energy on either the outer or the inner world. Extraverts orient their energy to the outer world, while Introverts orient their energy to the inner world. My best guess is that the direction of her energy remains toward her inner world but she has learned how to present herself in an extraverted manner when the occasion demands it.
In a similar fashion, people who only know me from my teaching or workshop presentations would swear that I am extraverted. I am at ease speaking in front of groups, animated, energetic. But what they do not realize is that is a costume of sorts that I wear for those settings, that I wear because I have a role to play. The "real" Cheryl is the introverted one.
So, in order to be effective as a teacher or speaker, I did not change who I am; rather I became adept at donning the costume of a more extraverted version of myself. In part in order to do that I need to be more accepting of who I am, of my basic nature in order to take on a persona that works for me.
Therapy for many people, maybe most who seek it is about change -- changing how they feel, changing relationships, changing the direction of their lives. And many times they don't have a clear idea of what that means, just that they are unhappy as things are. I often ask patients what is the life that they want? What would it look like? How would it be different? And what stands between them and having that life? Then comes the hard work of dealing with those obstacles, often self-created. It is important to deal with the past, to work through those issues and finally come to acceptance that it is what it is. And get on to the business of playing the cards that we have been dealt. Because we can't change the circumstances of our birth, the parents we have, the childhood we lived, the forces that shaped us. We can change how we see those things but they themselves will not change. In fact it is acceptance that paves the way for change.
One of the goals of the personal myth exploration is to reveal the story being lived, because until it is revealed, it cannot be changed. Change as a goal sounds very appealing. But the work to make it is another task altogether.