One of those days

This is one of those New England spring days, the kind we have in mud season. It's grey and wet and the best to be said is that the snow continues to disappear.

April 5

Wouldn't that make you feel like just curling up and reading?

Today is the 13th anniversary of my divorce. I am one of those people who without wanting to or trying to carry awareness of anniversary dates of one kind and another in my mind. Thirteen years ago, I took back my name. I thought long and hard about what to call myself after it was over. I knew I didn't want to go further known by his name, not because of bad feelings about him or about my time as his wife, but because it felt really important to be myself and to have my name reflect that. When I got married, in 1970, it was a matter of course that I would take his name. So to give it back now felt right. But did I want my father's name? Or some name I made up? I knew several women who had done that and the names always made me giggle a bit. In the end, I decided to return to my maiden name -- isn't that an interesting way of describing it? -- and I again became Cheryl Fuller. 

After having been someone else for 24 years, it took a while to get used to being that Cheryl again. Especially in the early days and weeks, I would sometimes stumble when introducing myself. And signing things with a name I had left behind so long ago felt awkward for quite a while. But I settled back into it.

When I did my workshop the other week, there was a woman who kept looking at me with a funny look. At the first break, she came up to me. Now I knew who she was but we hadn't seen each other in 20 years. So she didn't know this me, didn't know she knew the person leading the workshop. She looked at me and said, "You used to be someone else!" -- and she was right, in more ways than she knew.

© Cheryl Fuller, 2007. All  rights reserved.